Does it (and do I) matter?

In 2010, I left the town I'd grown up in and moved two and a half hours east to attend university. At first, this new city didn't feel like home. Home was still that place I'd lived for eighteen years. However, time passed and I spent longer periods of time in this new city. Eventually it was no longer new to me. Soon it became the place I lived year round. I built a life and a home in this new city.

I've now lived in that city for five and a half years. It is definitely home. It's where I feel comfortable. It's where I return to. However, while the city is home, the university I attended in the city is just as much my home. I spent four years of my life there and that school shaped me in countless ways. And it's a place I wasn't quite ready to leave behind upon graduation. For the past year and a half, I've been working in a position at the university. I'm still on campus everyday. I still frequent a lot of the places I frequented as a student. The university is just as much my home as the city.

Throughout my four years in school, I maintained the same job at the on-campus recreation center. That job helped me come into my own, gave me so much self-confidence, and helped me meet some of my best friends. The place matters quite a lot to me and left a mark on me.

A few weeks ago, I had to go to the recreation center for one of my job tasks. I still know the building's policies and layout like the back of my hand and always feel extremely comfortable there. So, I was shocked when I stepped into the building recently and felt uncomfortable. I didn't know any of the people working there. I was treated like a stranger.

Something about the experience didn't sit well with me. There was nothing wrong with how I was treated, but I no longer had that familiarity in the place that is so familiar to me. Only later did I realize that I was upset because I was jealous and felt devalued.

I spent four years at the recreation center. I was good at my job and I always worked hard to be the best I could. I gave so much to that job and, as I've already said, it gave me a lot in return. It had left a very noticeable mark on me during very formative years of me, but it had left me behind. I hadn't left a mark.

The facility has evolved. There is new equipment, new policies, new employees. I can't expect my mark to stay behind. For a few days, it was hard for me to digest that I had become anonymous to this place, but then I realized how ridiculous and silly that is.

As a society, we have this fascination with making a mark and leaving behind a legacy. We want to be remembered. While I get it (and have definitely been a victim of this mentality), I've realized recently that that's not what we should be fascinated with. We should instead be fascinated with how things leave a mark on us, how things can change us for the better.

Yes, the recreation center and the job I had there have left a mark on me and the mark I left there was fleeting. I've accepted that. I'm okay with that. And I think that's a good thing.